Cracking the Walls of Silence in Our Relationships of Affection
Effective and trustworthy communication is the significant need of true relationships of Affection. I am aware that expressing what we think and feel and doing it with transparency is not a manageable issue for everyone equally. In fact, a degree of “wisdom” is attributed to being able to remain silent under certain circumstances.
Is it advisable or not to have reservations in our closest interpersonal relationships?
Does this sustained behavior contribute or detract from our individual growth?
It is very likely that, thanks to the University of Life, we already have our own answers to these questions. That is exactly what opting for the title of ADULTS is all about. The lessons are many and of all kinds; they pay tribute to a process that is not only gradual but also particular.
However, the most important part of this constant learning is the application of what has been learned. So, it is time to review our arguments on such a crucial issue for everyone. It’s never too late for a positive change in perspective; let’s give ourselves that healthy opportunity.
It is undeniable that the quality of our affectionate relationships depends largely on ones-self. Not in vain do we pride ourselves on establishing them with people towards whom we are favorably predisposed. However, more is required to harmonize.
We create these bonds either at a family, sentimental or friendship level on the basis of emotional reciprocity. In such a way, the position we adopt in them and in relation to them, which is not the same or the same, influences and determines their worth.
That is, as we are able to offer and give in each connection, we will accept and receive everything that it implies in the spiritual. Furthermore, we will be in a position to negotiate, rethink and even “let go” in the event of an irreconcilable imbalance.
The foregoing concerns us all, despite the fact that each one in their individuality develops a range of permissibility. However, we are prone, with some exceptions, to care for the good and care for our narrower circle of diverse affections.
How is the issue of adequate communication embedded in this context?
Communication is paramount in any good relationship. Then, in this communication, the degree of confidentiality and sincerity between the subjects is vital. If there are emotional reservations or silences, the quality of the link as such diminishes and it may even expire.
The Value of words in a Relationship:
Although there is a marked tendency among us to prefer facts to words, there is no reason to detract from the latter. The challenge is that one and the other correspond, getting to complement each other from the truth. Hence the popular phrase “Let’s be Coherent.”
The idea is not to deny the important demonstrative load that by nature corresponds to Doing and / or refraining from doing something. More, to emphasize that, in general, we extol its value, it is essential. Indeed, an absolutist perception of it puts words at a disadvantage.
We usually agree that “the facts speak for themselves” and we ignore that the interpretation of those facts is personal. Meanwhile, we lose sight of the fact that sometimes a single word can change everything, save a relationship, restore a bond. It is not destiny to be blamed, it is us.
It is our attitude that is most responsible for the disagreements in this regard. “Letting be what it has to be” is an expeditious decision, but we must first make sure that we do not attack the soul or contradict the conscience. Expressing ourselves from the heart is liberating.
Actually, the biggest obstacle to expression is in our own mind. We are capable of creating retaining walls; that is, barriers that makes communication difficult, delay or cancels it. We forge a kind of shield to avoid being hurt by being honest.
Thus, in many cases, when we internally “open up” to a frank dialogue, doubts prevail and we by the very fact resign. We condition the exchange to the decision of the other in the relationship. The result is the harmful accumulation of sensations and emotions.
It is also what happens after a break in communication. Certain misunderstandings, disagreements or even some involuntary distancing are common causes. We tend to forget that every relationship is about two and, therefore, about our participation quota.
As our thoughts define behavior, our voice freezes when ideas are about: guilt or victimization; need for recognition; confusion in feelings. But, there is another perception: respect the spaces; flow with connection.
How does the burden of these ideas affect us?
Our well-being depends largely on what we choose to think. In the preceding paragraph there are some examples of different types of thoughts; negative first, equilibrium later. The power is in us to substitute for each other.
The negativity present in the first three examples leads to emotional damage. It is extremely difficult for us to communicate. Stress, anxiety, depression, stand out among the most immediate consequences of our low mood. Our brain and body is affected.
In the other two examples, the background is appealing to our values; work on self-esteem and strive to improve. At the appropriate time we will be able to resume communication from a balanced emotional state that will contribute more to the bond.
Of course, to be able to externalize it is necessary to be satisfied with ourselves. Our relationships are a reflection of our primary relationship; that we have inside. It is not possible to establish healthy bonds if we do not accept ourselves.
Self-acceptance involves focusing on the “me”. Know our strengths, weaknesses, virtues, defects and assimilate them naturally. Thus we can enhance the positive and overcome those existential limits that we impose on ourselves and prevent us from BEING AUTHENTIC.
It is vital to shed beliefs that do not do us good, they transcend our environment and it is in it where our relationships take place, even the most special ones. Healthy affections contribute to our general well-being. Thinking, feeling and expressing make us more beautiful human.
Let’s not enlarge the ranks of those who understand that externalizing is a weakness. They label those who do “emotional”; it is their way of judging that skill they have barely wanted to develop. Communicating not only generates peace, it is necessary to live better in society.
Yes, let’s remember that NEED, in a scientific approach, justifies the presence of interpersonal communication in the history of humanity. So, far from striving to minimize an act as sublime as speaking, let’s give it credit by being truthful.
To transparency, sincerity, honesty in the expression of our affections, it is prudent to add assertiveness. The term is very much in vogue today and is used to describe an effective communication strategy in which identity gains strength.
True affections flow in favor of who we are, what we think, what we want. They do not limit or interfere with our personal growth. The conditionings are not our own but of obsessive affections, of attachments that cause us suffering and disease.
This is important: we are responsible for building our relationships and we must do so with respect for ourselves and others. Our individuality is not negotiated no matter how great our affection, no matter how important the relationship.
This is the essence of being assertive. Find that middle ground to express convictions and, if necessary, defend rights without aggression or submission. A mature communication style will favor our relationships of affection; it just depends on our will.
RULES TO ACHIEVE AN ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS OF AFFECTION:
- Think; organize ideas before speaking;
- Find a suitable time, place and environment;
- Control impulses; do not attack or be defensive;
- Freely and clearly present ideas and criteria;
- Do not lie or cheat. Avoid omissions and assumptions;
- Promote dialogue; do not impose criteria and learn to listen.
- Do not believe yourself superior or inferior in the relationship;
- Practicing empathy means putting yourself in the place of the other;
- Make use of conviction in a measured way.
- Do not accept pressure or emotional blackmail.
Perhaps certain personality traits can rub against us in our attempt to break down the walls of silence, but that is what it is about … to make the attempt. Once, twice, three times and more, no matter how many times it is necessary; so we will not have to regret not having been “us”.
If after that someone wants to resign, it is their decision. If we have to leave, we can do it in peace. We will stay with the good, with the certainty that we have done the right thing. Self-satisfaction is indeed an essential part to protect yourself from stressful emotions later on. Improving communication in our relationships of affection will help us to be accompanied by those who are true.
May these “Flashes of Light” help us not to give up your efforts?
The article is originally written in Spanish by the Legend Mom “Flashes of Light” and translated and published into English by Rising Star.
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