Fear of Rejection: 3 Simple Tips to Overcome
Is the Fear of Rejection holding you back in Life?
The fear of rejection is an immutable fear that often has a long-lasting impact on our lives. On the contrary, courage is like a luxury good and a great gift from God: you have to want to afford it. Few people hold or are afraid of their own courage and thus remain below their possibilities. The fear of rejection is often behind this. The fear of rejection, a basket, and possibly even scorn and ridicule. Most people feel nervous when stepping into situations that could lead to rejection, however, for some people, the fear of Rejection becomes crippling.
How often do we dare not to ask out of concern that we will be rejected?
No way! 3 Simple Tips to Overcome Your Fear of Rejectionâ€¦
Rejection: That’s why we’re so afraid of it.
Why do so many “Fear of rejection”?
Studies have shown that the fear of rejection activates our pain center in the brain. Or in other words: We actually feel this fear physically and it hurts. Maybe not as bad as the real pain, but definitely noticeable. Neuroscience also calls this phenomenon “social pain”.
Kai Vogeley, Professor of Psychiatry at Cologne University Hospital, says:
This is one of the most interesting discoveries in social neuroscience, as the vernacular has always known, loneliness hurts. And brain research has found that the same centers that are responsible for the sensation of pain, their activation is also associated with the experience of loneliness.
So many try to avoid the pain and potential rejection: There are also other fears:
The fear of having to reveal ourselves and thereby show weakness (I need help):
The fear of being ridiculous (because what is really important to us seems like a triviality to others):
And the fear of disappointment (when what we hope for does not happen or we think we are screwing up the situation):
The fear of embarrassing the other (when we suspect that they actually want to say no):
The fear of the consequences (mostly because the question involves a decision and consequences and we have to leave our comfort zone):
The Consequences of Fear of Rejection:
All these emotions and feelings should be expressed in a gentle way. Studies have also shown that all of these fears when suppressed can be reflected in a whole cocktail of psychological and physical reactions.
It starts with physical symptoms:
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Shortness of breath
- Racing heart
- Sweaty hands
And it continues with psychological reactions such as:
Quite a few are irritated in the survey about the missed opportunity and opportunity that may never come back. Or the anger is even directed against yourself because (once again) you have not managed to jump over your own shadow. Even without rejection, those affected feels like losers and futility. In the long run, self-confidence and self-esteem suffer and a downward spiral develops.
This is how the original fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: Because we believe we will be rejected, we behave even more fearfully, insecure and defensive. But that has a disturbing to unsympathetic effect on our counterpart and the fear comes true: we are flashing off. Under certain circumstances, initial contact difficulties can even lead to veritable anxiety neurosis. But the thoughts behind it are based on a (dangerous) fallacy.
Fear of Rejection: What Can Be Done About It
First of all, those affected should be aware that they are not feeling alone. The fear of rejection resides in everyone and is an evolutionary holdover: In the early days of civilization, social exclusion was synonymous with death. You couldn’t survive as a hunter-gatherer alone.
The second step is to take the weight off the topic. Rejections are an integral part of life: job loss, a failed attempt at flirtation, separation from a partner. Again and again, we all meet people who reject us or give us a basket. Fortunately, that doesn’t kill anyone today and the world won’t end either.
Think of Fred Astaire. When he auditioned at the casting of film production in 1928, the comment was: don’t Play, Can’t sing, Slight bald head, Can dance a little. One luck he has proven the opposite – as have many other artists, musicians, and authors before and after him.
In 1962, for example, a small band introduced itself to several record companies. She received a lot of rejections. The company Decca Records even certified that guitar groups were out of fashion. The troupe did not give up and eventually found a record company. The name of the band: The Beatles.
Even entrepreneurs like Walt Disney, whom more than 300 banks initially rejected, know the feeling of being rejected but have not let it get them down.
Even more: By making our self-esteem and self-confidence dependent on the judgment of others, we become slaves of the mainstream and no longer live our own lives – opinions live us!
Plato has nicely said:
I don’t know of a sure way to success, but a sure way to fail is: To please everyone.
Fear of rejection: 3 simple tips against it
In fact, overcoming the fear of rejection begins with oneself and one’s own thoughts. First with self-perception – and your own weaknesses. Then with self-acceptance – with your own weaknesses. Only those who think well about themselves and have a high opinion of themselves can overcome shyness and fear of rejection and – by the way – no longer have to win a sympathy competition.
Furthermore, there are good reasons to overcome yourself and ask – despite all potential rejection. At least three immediately come to mind, which is also scientifically guaranteed:
1. They say “yes” more than we think:
The psychologists Frank Flynn and Vanessa Bohns were able to show some time ago and in a long series of experiments that we regularly miscalculate when it comes to asking others for a favor or simply addressing them in a friendly manner. We underestimate the probability of a “yes” by a good 50 percent.
2. Asking doesn’t make you weaker, it makes you stronger:
It’s a typical male thing: once again on the road in the car and suddenly get lost. But ask someone for directions? “It’s unfair! Because real men don’t ask for the way, they find it!” Behind this is the fear of showing weakness. It’s no different at work: For example, when we don’t know what to do with our project or are bullied by colleagues and don’t dare to ask others for advice or support. It is precisely this help that would put us in a stronger position. We get the orientation back, get the job sorted and stand up to bullies. And we show courage.
3. You will feel better afterward:
A study has shown that this activates our pain center. But only briefly, just like a bee sting. However, the researchers also found, that grief over having missed a possible opportunity also triggers pain only if this lasts much longer. For weeks after that, we are annoyed not to have asked.
In short: if you never ask, you can never get anything. But if you dare, you win three times. So remember: It doesn’t cost anything to ask – except overcoming!
You might have read these 3 simple rules for a successful life!
- Rule No 1: If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
- Rule No 2: If you don’t ask, the answer is always No. And:
- Rule No 3: If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.
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